So a bunch of trailers premiered this week…

• Anna Karenina: While at first it would seem like familiar ground for Joe Wright to direct a new version of Anna Karenina, I’m fairly certain no one expected it to look this fucking amazing. From a purely aesthetic standpoint it is absolutely stellar, awe-inspiring and breathtaking. Then we have the performances which seem just as brilliant, especially from Jude Law and Aaron Johnson. I smell OSCAR.
• Monster University: I was never a big fan of Monster Inc. and this prequel just seems like a waste of time. All I keep thinking is: UNNECESSARY!
• Breaking Dawn, Part II:
  
• Dredd: the visuals and the action look solid. A bit too tongue-and-cheek for my taste, but having Lena Headey as the villain is enough for me to be super excited. Let’s face it, she should be the villain for every single thing. Also, is this The Raid but in the future? I like it.

Review of: Breaking Dawn, Part 1.

As most of us are aware of, the Twilight franchise is a universal hit that in all honesty says a lot more about the prevailing mediocrity and apathy of the world than pretty much anything else. This is a franchise that keeps proving year after year that you don’t need good storytelling, decent acting or for all that matter even try for a film to be a success. As long as you showcase an overly fantastical, unrealistic and totally backwards way of thinking about love and feminism, people will respond to it like heroin addicts being given free heroin. Whilst I thought no other Twilight film could ever reach the vowels of hell quite like New Moon, Breaking Dawn, Part 1 has proven me so very wrong.

In this latest instalment, the wedding that every fan has been waiting for is finally happening much to the oddly unquestionable agreement of every character in the film. After years of gazing at each others’ eyes with hollow and creepy intensity, Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) are getting married but not after Edward tells her once again that he is a monster. Being the dumb ass bitch that she is, Bella doesn’t care about the past and only about the future which promises happiness, sex and above else being turned into a vampire. During their exotic and totally unsexy honeymoon, Bella proves yet again that there’s no end to her stupidity by getting pregnant and in so starting a massive controversy or so they would have you believe.

To call Breaking Dawn, Part 1 a monumental overly cliche intolerable puke-inducing shit storm would be like calling the cast of Jersey Shore total idiots, the statement doesn’t even scratch the surface. In here we have everything that doesn’t work in the franchise raised to the max so much that while watching you begin to question who in their right mind could ever think this was a good idea. The film redefines acting by demonstrating that soap-operas’ actors deserve an Oscar. I think it would be insulting to call whatever these people are doing here acting, this shit is on a completely separate level. It would be redundant to say one actor was worst than the other, but it should be pointed out that giving Taylor Lautner more screen time was the worst mistake since the faulty equipment caused the Challenger to explode during liftoff.

A lot of people were saying that since Bill Condon landed the directing gig he would elevate and give the Twilight franchise a much needed sense of gravitas. When I heard that I laughed, rolled my eyes and called bullshit. If you honestly thought that Condon could elevate Twilight then you are utterly delusional. We’re talking about a franchise that made the director of the underrated but perfectly crafted and visually dazzling Hard Candy look like a massive amateur who should not work ever again. Condon directing Twilight is the definition of a pay-check film and as such he placed zero to not effort in directing this insult to humanity. There is literally not a single interesting thing to be found here and from a visual standpoint you can find something more dynamic by scrapping the shit out off a hobo’s ass.

In all honesty, we shouldn’t even call something as detrimental and abnormally insulting as this thing film. This isn’t a film, it’s an exercise in unnatural mediocrity and of why we as species do deserve to die at the end of 2012. To think that such garbage could be not only embrace but fucking accepted by the world is not only shameful but utterly depressing. If you want to see what’s wrong with the world apart from racism, war and so forth, all you have to do is watch Breaking Dawn, Part 1. With the previous film I learned to take all the cheesy moments and simply laugh at them, but there’s no way anyone with decent intelligence could laugh at the cheesiness here. Everything is so shitty that you have no idea how guilty I feel for wasting my time watching this. Please, let’s all stop watching these so-called films and watch something of merit.

Rating:

An Album I Can’t Get Enough Of

Eclipse (Soundtrack)

If there’s anything that is constantly good about the Twilight movies, that would be their soundtracks. With each new movie the soundtracks get progressively original, better and indie. I think they’ve reached a new high with the soundtrack of Eclipse. Putting all the hate for Twilight aside (mine included), we can’t deny that their soundtracks feature top-notch musicians and most of them contribute with original songs, which gives the soundtrack a level of legitimacy that is hating matter.

If you thought New Moon featured great musicians, then you’ll be in awe of the even greater ones that are in Eclipse. It’s full of songs by Metric, Florence + The Machine, Sia, Bat for Lashes, Beck, Vampire Weekend and The Dead Weather just to name a few. Most soundtracks feature great songs, but there’s always a few that aren’t that good or memorable. That’s not the case with Eclipse every song is not only good and memorable, but they also contribute something to every other song. It’s like they’re all part of a perfectly structure chain and where one drops off the next picks it. The whole feel and vibe is maintain throughout the whole album.

Of course there are some songs that standout more than the other for me and they are: Heavy In Your Arms by Florence + The Machine (can’t a song from her sound any more emotionally epic?),  My Love by Sia (my absolute favorite, her voice is unmatchable), With You In My Heart by UNKLE (bringing some deserve up-beatness to the mix) and Rolling In A Burning Tire by The Dead Weather (it’s The Dead Weather, they can’t do anything wrong).

I think this soundtrack has become one my all-time favorites and I’ve been listening to it non-stop since I saw the movie. I highly recommend downloading this album, whether you like Twilight or you don’t (like me) this soundtrack is definitely a must have.

A First Impressions Anecdote of: Eclipse.

I never thought I would write this but I actually enjoyed Eclipse. No one is more surprised than I am, trust me. But what can I say? It is such a hilarious movie. It is funny when it trys to be funny and it is, for me, extremely unintentionally funny. When all the cliche/corny dialogue came I said to myself: “I’m not getting pissed, I’ll just laugh at it’s utter silliness.” So as an end result, I didn’t want to stab myself with my blackberry like I did with New Moon.

In Eclipse the love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob intensifies and finally Bella makes a decision of who she wants to say with. Victoria comes back and recruits an army of newborns (newly created vampires) to kill Bella and the Cullens. The Cullens and the werewolves unite to fight this new threat and this is where the movie shines. The action scenes are really, really cool and had me cheering. But then again, the PG rating really holds the fighting back which is always a drag. Nevertheless they are by far the most enjoyable scenes in the movie.

New Moon was a terrible movie, bad beyond belief and it’s main problem was the horrible acting by the three main actors. I’m glad to say that has changed in Eclipse. Robert Pattinson doesn’t look as constipated as before and his face actually shows some emotions, he smiles for once. Taylor Lautner acting is really bad at first, but then it improves and he has a few funny one-liners. Kristen Stewart has more to work with here, delivering some funny lines but what brings her down is the character. Bella is such a stupid girl, her constant doubt and utter dependance on Edward and Jacob gets even more annoying as the movie progresses. As for the rest of the cast, bad acting doesn’t even cut it. I don’t understand why is it a standard for vampires in this movie to be so constipated and lacking of emotion. As for the humans, they all give good performances. The standout being Bella’s dad, Charlie, I love his sarcasm it is hilarious.

Eclipse is not a great movie and since the previous one is so bad, it already had an advantage. It is not a bad movie either, it is average at the most. The movie is also very self-aware, which is almost never a bad thing in my book. Much credit must be given to David Slade (Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night) who directed this movie. His style is very present and I’d like to believe that if the movie were rated R it would’ve been a truly great film. An R rated Twilight would be too much for the twi-hard fans, mainly because they wouldn’t be able to watch it, or so I think. I don’t know, they’re crazy they’ll probably find a way. Anyway, Eclipse has numerous flaws but if you accept it for what it is, which I did this time around, you’ll find yourself laughing at it’s silliness and actually enjoying it.